Public Speaking - Facing Fear pt. 3

The Lap no. 18 - D-Day - 8 Months

“His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti”

- Eminem, “Lose yourself”

The nice thing about training to deal with fear is that you can practice anytime something scares you.

Two weeks ago, I traveled to the States for my brother Kevin’s wedding. The trip involved two things that scare me no matter how many times I do them: public speaking (as his best man) and flying through turbulence. In both cases, I used mindfulness of fear to face it. I “did it scared,” as they say.

The speech went well, and nobody seemed to notice or care that the pages were flapping in my hands.

The flight was bumpy, but I rode with it.

As you become more mindful of how fear presents itself in your body, you start to see that the sensation is roughly the same no matter what’s causing it. There’s some interesting science to back this up. According to research by Lisa Feldman Barrett, our brains only produce a handful of emotions. It’s how we interpret our emotions and the stories we tell ourselves about them that makes up the range of our feelings.

Knowing that fear is the same no matter the cause is a valuable insight because it helps you recognize fear for what it is and detach from it when it comes up. You can say to yourself “I’m experiencing fear” rather than “I’m scared.”

When I’m on a bumpy flight, it helps to know that fear is just how I react to turbulence. It’s not an indication that the aircraft is in danger.

By detaching from the fear during the speech, I could say to myself, “okay, this is the part where my hands shake” instead of distressing over what that physical reaction says about my public speaking abilities or how the speech was going.

Congratulations, Kevin.

Fear is information

I was relieved to learn that one of the greatest living authorities on fear management, free solo climber Alex Honnold, is also terrified of public speaking. In a recent interview with Adam Grant, he talked about how he manages fear in different areas of his life.

Honnold compared fear to hunger. He said that hunger is your body “giving you some information.” When we feel hungry, we don’t freak out thinking we’re going to starve. We take in the “information” that our body needs food, and we eat when we get a chance or at a set meal time.

“You got this”

One detachment technique they suggested on the podcast is talking to yourself in the second person, as in “you got this.” Research has shown that this kind of self-talk creates some distance and adds a voice of authority as if you were taking someone else’s advice.

I used this trick the other day going around a local headland in some intimidating small-craft warning conditions. I put my boat in the shelter of a cove and said to myself, “this is what you’re here for. You want this training to be hard so your trip will be easy. Now get out there, and have fun!”

The pep talk worked. The same factors that had been freaking me out——the confused, breaking seas, the violent gusts——felt playful, not scary.

Detachment, not denial

The purpose of detachment is to give yourself the space you need to take fear as information and move forward. It’s not about pretending you’re not afraid or ignoring actual danger.

When I tell myself “you got this,” I’m not trying to push myself over the edge. It’s a reminder that I have the skills I need to handle the conditions. And for that reason, there’s nothing to be scared of.

Every time I’ve had to brace, I’ve braced effectively.

Every time I’ve had to roll, I’ve rolled.

Was I scared? Every time.

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Thanks for reading,

-Charlie

Thank you to Mike Jones for coaching and guidance.

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